For this discussion about money, I figure we can just rip the bandage off and start with the most triggering term of them all.

BUDGET.

Whenever I mention the word “budget” to someone, I can usually see them tense up and look a bit uncomfortable. I can understand why they have that reaction: after all, a budget establishes boundaries and restrictions, and most people recoil at anything that looks like constriction. What I’ve found, upon further discussion, is that people aren’t actually afraid of budgeting, nor are they afraid of money: they’re afraid of what a budget (and money) means in their lives. This area of their lives is often where fears of failure and shame crop up, and THAT’s why they flinch when budgets are discussed. No one wants to fail at budgeting or feel embarrassed when discussing financial missteps.

But . . . what if we could view budgeting from a different perspective? How about if we viewed budgeting as something other than a harsh framework for spending and saving money? What if . . . we could build budgets centered around care instead of control? It’s not only possible to have a budget you are comfortable with, it is possible to have a budget you (believe it or not) enjoy.

Let’s think of some words that are often used to describe budgets. Structured, contained, and orderly come to mind. You know what else shares those same descriptors? The home. Interestingly, we can apply those descriptors to a happy home just as easily as we can apply them to an unhappy one. So let’s take those words, and apply them to a budget. Much like a good home offers us a structured and orderly space that has contains us, our loved ones and our belongings, a budget can offer our finances a structured and orderly space that contains our needs, wants, and great goals. Our budget shouldn’t be a prison for our money: it should be a sanctuary.

You can make your budget a sanctuary by blending practical approaches with soulful rituals. Working with a budget is much more delightful when it has been infused with self-honoring and peaceful practices that soothe the nervous system, create feelings of safety and shifts your mindset from judgment to respectful observance. So, before you sit down with your accounts and start crunching numbers, think of a couple of sensory pleasures that you can indulge before, during, and after reviewing your finances. Perhaps you can make a delicious smoothie that you can sip as you review, or you can light a scented candle that relaxes you or that brings up happy feelings, or you can even make it a practice to work on your budget after you’ve enjoyed some time in your favorite massage chair or after you’ve done a yoga session. Whatever makes you feel relaxed and stable is great for incorporating into your budget practice.

More importantly, speak kindly of yourself and your financial decisions as you review the figures. Remember that you are a respectful observer of your past financial choices: you aren’t judging yourself, you’re simply noting the pattern and perhaps digging a little deeper to figure out the motive behind the decisions. Don’t speak harshly about the past decisions you’ve made: thank those decisions for the lessons they’ve provided, then commit to make future decisions that are aligned with the person you’re becoming. Remember to bless the decisions you made (yes, even the ones that you aren’t happy with!) and, if you struggle with them, come up with at least three positive things about previous money decisions. You can do this for anything, I promise!

As an example, perhaps you enjoy eating takeout (I know I do!) but you don’t enjoy how much money you’ve spent in the past quarter. Bless those decisions and move on, and if you can’t, list those three positive reasons for buying lots of takeout. I’d probably write down how buying takeout made it easier for me to eat a more balanced meal than what I had prepared in my home, how amazing it was to purchase a meal that supports a local business that employees people in your neighborhood, and how much energy I saved by outsourcing meal preparation to someone else. There is ALWAYS a silver lining, and if you struggle with this, you can either comment below or email me at tia@tiadelano.com so I can help you with that.

Embrace self love as you start budgeting, and view every decision as a loving act toward your future self. Treat your budget time as a sacred occasion that allows you to adjust your patterns to reflect the person you’re becoming and the life you want to live. Finally, allow your budget to be an entity with its own personality, something that you can befriend as you step onto the path to the financial reality you desire. With these things in mind, you’ll be able to structure a budget that feels like a sanctuary: it will be a peaceful refuge that you’ll enjoy retreating to.

How do you feel about budgeting? Let me know your thoughts and experiences below!